YUCK!
Two years ago, my family contracted the cruise ship flu, while the rest of the Christian world was celebrating with gifts and turkeys and untold merriment, we were worshiping the porcelin god. Christmas day begin this year at 12:01 to the sounds of Alex expelling his evening milk, about the time he stopped throwing up. He passed it on to both his father and me - who took turns being sick while the other layed on the couch - allowing an unprecedented amount of tv viewing.
No knitting was accomplished. No GSRP boxes were mailed. Hopefully life will return to normal tomorrow.
PS - I have lost the lace box somewhere in the wilds of British Columbia - I’ll start tracking that down tomorrow as well.
Mittens!
From the sock yarn drawer - a pair of Cherry Tree Hill Sport Weight mittens, knit for Aunt Judy.
And since it is a week before Christmas and I just found out we are hosting both sets of inlaws for the holidays, I thought what a perfect time to go through all the GSRP yarn. The first box is by far the biggest and will be donated to Erin’s Afghan Project tomorrow - thanks to everyone who sent me yarn to add to the box. The second box is a replacement for the long lost Slip Stitch box. I will send it to Mellisa a week from tomorrow - after the Christmas rush. The final box is the culled K1P2 box. I am happy to say that both boxes now have bags of mulitple skeins and lots of cotton, in anticipation of spring.
And finally, I’ve decided to take the pattern books out of the boxes, their weight was running up the cost. If you’d like any of the following, please email me (cyborgoddess[at]hotmail.com and we can work something out.
Hope there is something there to peak your interest!
# 102 and other things …
102. In 1991 I co-hosted a dinner party for a woman who went on to become this years Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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A quick pic of my beautiful family, in the holiday spirit:
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actual knitting content:
I’ve been making progress on my remedial knitting, but now must rip it back five inches and increase the rate of decreases (does that sound funny to you as well? When I tire of the remedial knitting, I spend a few minutes on my desser tknitting - the bamboo shawl - which is so delightful to knit I must ration it out. I may break my no new projects rule, my godmother, who funded my grandmother’s charity knitting for decades, asked for a pair of homemade mittens.
Aunt Judy is a spinster, she lived with my grandmother her whole life, until Gram went into the home almost two years ago. Judy’s world is really, really small and she gains imense pleasure in doing for others, first it was me and my brother, now it is our children. Judy has always been a bit special. When I was in college, Aunt Judy would send care packages, they would have 10 packs of gum, a few packages of instant soup, some socks, a pair of underwear and other odds and ends. When I first got to college, I would wait till the hall was empty, lock the door, and secretly open the packages - hiding whatever was the weirdest item - sure my roomate and friends would mock me. Eventually, they caught on and by senior year, my roomates would come running into the library “WE GOT A PACKAGE FROM AUNT JUDY, HURRY, LETS GO HOME AND OPEN IT!!!!” When we’d get home, they would fight over the contents, the lipton cup of soup and the leapard skin panties would be traded for nights free of dish duty or a round of beer at the pub.
Over the years, Aunt Judy became my confidant, while I never really had lean years on the dating front - I had lean periods of “acceptable” dates - Judy’s warning was always to find someone, anyone, and not end up lonely like her. Shortly after dating Dave, we took Aunt Judy to Haymarket Square and the North End in Boston - an afternoon out in the city was a rare treat for her, and eating non boiled dinners cooked by her mother an even greater adventure. She ordered black ink dyed squid ravioli and had two desserts. Dave was so wonderful with her, that it was at that moment I knew I had to marry him (I knew I was going to marry him on our first date - but that is another story all together.)
So you, the ladies of the jury must conceed that her request for hand knit mittens trumps all other promises I made for knitting fidelity. The only problem is that she requested “Acrylic” - she actually said “Red Heart” eek - I don’t think Red Heart will do for Aunt Judy - I’m off to the stash and see if I can upgrade her a bit.
Yes, I am a lemming …
101 things about Amy
1. I’ve been thinking about making this list
2. I wasn’t sure if I could do it and actually go public with it.
3. Katy at katyknits.typepad.com talked me into it.
4. I imagine someday, when I’ve actually got my shit together, I will write a
tell all book.
5. Everyone would say, “I didn’t know that, but I’m not surprised.”
6. I spent as much time (and money) on therapy as I did on graduate school.
7. I spent seven years in graduate school.
8. The therapy was a much better use of the money.
9. When I was a child, I was sexually assaulted by my cousins.
10. It went on for years.
11. The first time I snuck food from the cookie jar was after my first time with
them.
12. I continued to sneak food long after the abuse ended.
13. While I don’t consider it sneaking food now, I still can’t wait to be alone
so I can eat what I want.
14. I’ve been out of therapy for seven years now.
15. My confessions about my eating are my way of motivating myself to go back
in.
16. At the time, I was tired of being so self indulgent, and felt that I really
had graduated.
17. With one husband and two kids demanding all my energy, I could use a little
self-indulgence.
18. My kids are in the other room with the sitter.
19. I am supposed to be working.
20. Since I am running an anti-virus program on a work computer, I will bill for
the time anyway.
21. I like my job.
22. I like my job but I don’t like the people I work for very much.
23. Every week I wonder if this is the week I will get fired or quit
24. Today I signed my kids up for a preschool program that costs more than my
first year of college.
25. It was the only program I could find that would take both of them at the
same time.
26. I really hope I don’t get fired.
27. Although I put in about 40 hours a week, I think of myself as a full time
mom because most of those hours are nights and weekends.
28. I love being a mom.
29. I didn’t think I’d ever get married.
30. I certainly didn’t think I’d ever have children.
31. I met my husband through a yahoo ad.
32. It read simply “ISO an intellectual cowboy who is not afraid of a woman of
substance.”
33. Our first date lasted 8 hours.
34. He was far more interested in my IQ than my weight.
35. Which is funny because my IQ is my goal weight.
36. He comes from a family that is obsessed with intelligence, over any other
quality, like empathy and compassion.
37. He somehow grew up to become the kindest man I know.
38. I want my children to know it is more important to be a good person than a smart one.
39. I am preparing my in-laws for the possibility that my children won’t be
child geniuses.
40. It is an uphill battle.
41. I’ve become addicted to “Queer as Folk”
42. I made it through the entire first season thanks to Netflix last week.
43. I can’t wait till the next set of disks arrive.
44. I used to read Lesbian Detective Stories
45. Yes, there is a whole genre of just that.
46. I got bored with them.
47. If I don’t like a book, I put it down immediately
48. This makes me a very, very naughty book club member
49. I had a secret crush on a man in my book club.
50. He & his wife moved away.
51. While never actually tempted, it is nice to have the idea of temptation
removed.
52. I like the word naughty.
53. I like the word cross even more.
54. My grandmother, who taught me to knit, used it a few times when watching me
as a child, often asking if I was trying to make her cross (angry).
55. I use it every day with my kids.
56. Cate will say to Alex – “Don’t do that, it makes mommy cross.”
57. I feel as if I’ve been lifted into a Victorian movie set every time I hear
her say it.
58. I’m done having children.
59. I had a deal with my husband that if our son was over 9 lbs 8 oz, we’d name
him Angus.
60. He was 9lb 8oz and not a gram over, so we called him Alexander.
61. We still have paint cans in the basement for “Seamus’s Room” which would
have been Cate’s name, if she was a he.
62. We didn’t name Alex that because when we printed out test announcements
everyone asked what kind of name “See Mus” was.
63. I gave birth to both my kids naturally in a free standing birth center.
64. The moment before I crowned, the pain was so extreme, I felt like I turned
myself inside out and was suddenly feeling the best orgasm of my life.
65. Alex was born still in the bag – my water never broke.
66. I’ve been in a mommy group since Cate was six weeks old.
67. The other mommies have become my best friends.
68. I’ve never been good with girlfriends
69. I’ve had lots of guy friends, some of whom I never slept with.
70. I like running away.
71. But not for very long.
72. I dream about running away to Amsterdam.
73. I’d open up a hand painted hemp yarn store next to a coffee shop.
74. I’d live on a houseboat.
75. I’d be the kind of woman who has young lovers, but then sends them on their
way before they get too attached.
76. I think you need an escape fantasy or two to stay sane as a mom to a toddler
and a preschooler.
77. I must confess I open a bottle of Guinness beer every night and seldom
finish it.
78. My husband thinks this is a sin.
79. I am slowly making him undergo my own queer eye for the straight guy make
over.
80. I’m quietly replacing his pleated pants with non pleated pants.
81. The transformation is amazing.
82. He had six pack abs, arm muscles that would make a nun swoon and was shaped
like an inverted triangle when he met me. He isn’t any more, but looks better
because he wears clothing that fits him now.
83. I never thought I could be this happily married.
84. No one in my family thought I could as well.
85. I am adopted.
86. I have an adopted brother.
87. I want to give medals of honor to women who give their children up for
adoption.
88. I have no intention of finding my birthmother, but she is welcome to find
me.
89. If I ever met her, the first thing I’d say is “Thank You.”
90. Then I’d check out if my big ass is hereditary.
91. My birth name is Kimberly Ann.
92. Which doesn’t suite me at all.
93. I don’t think of myself as having a birth father.
94. I have Red Heart afghans all over my house and wouldn’t trade them for all
the Collinette in the world.
95. My grandmother made them for me and she isn’t making them anymore.
96. I miss her and feel guilty that I can’t get to see her more often. But I
can’t take the kids into the nursing home.
97. I hope I never have to live in a nursing home.
98. I hope I never have to put my husband in a nursing home.
99. How did I end up at such a depressing 99?
100. I am actually a very upbeat, cheery person, although this list doesn’t
really represent that, does it?
101. I can’t leave things on a bad note
Penance
Forgive me knitting goddess, for I have sinned.
It has been ages since I last confessed. But I confess to you know, in my hope to gain your forgiveness for my sins against you.
I’ve committed the sin of pride, in my blueberry shawl. A shawl I have worn almost every day since it came off my needles, sometimes just to fish for complements.
I’ve committed the sin of envy of my neighbor’s knitting projects, but let she who is without this sin cast the first stone.
I’ve committed the sin of greed, buying yarn and more yarn, but does it count if I only buy hand spun, hand dyed yarn as a souvenir of a vacation?
I’ve been angry at my husband, who said that even he wasn’t secure enough in his heterosexuality to wear the man-along vest that made him.
I desperately seek your forgiveness, oh knitting goddess, so that I when I rip out the 20 inches of stockinette it took me a week to accomplish on my latest shapely tank, I will learn my lesson about ROW GAUGE and pay attention to my directions.
Oh knitting goddess, in your infinite wisdom, please give me the patience to measure twice, rip once. Please give me the strength to return to my policy of working one project at a time, as I’ve never been very good with monogamy and I need your strength now as I return to my purple pullover, which I will concentrate on till it is completed to an unprecedented level of perfection.
It is through this act of penance that I will redeem myself and have faith in my knitting skills.